Monday, August 11, 2008

How I'm spending my life.. Part 5

It's official.

I'm boring.

And what made me come to this conclusion? I met people with actual battle scars. So there we were.. Chatting the hours away.. Comparing battle scars.. Only, I realized I actually had none.

- I've never been drunk. They drank yesterday and they were still drunk 5 days later. On a Saturday morning, my officemate drinks some sort of vodka + rum + something else.. He hibernates and wakes up on a Monday evening. He has no liver.
- I'm only subject to second hand smoking once every 5 years. I watch too much discovery channel. Lungs with cancer looks like horse shit.
- I've only made love with one person. This might be hellish for some.. But I kinda like sleeping with this person and only this person. Plus I think getting crabs sucks ass.
- The highest I've ever been was being on the 43rd floor of a building (but only because I pressed the wrong elevator button). Drugs? I heard they were some sort of mythical creature that sprang from unicorn shit.
- I've never shoplifted. But I did hide some of my mom's chocolates under my bed. Yeah. Not really the same thing.
- I wash behind my ears.
- My dreams are mostly about killing zombies.
- I floss.
- I spend my weekend in my jammies while watching dvds. My officemates often drag me to clubs but I pretend that I'm just sleep talking when they call me. It does the trick though.They never call back. I don't think they wanna hear me talk about bunnies. Never really been a party girl. My mom took us to clubs the moment we learned to walk. My mom has a weird way of teaching us about life. She pushes us head on without any warning. Works like a charm every time. I think she's also responsible for making me disinterested in all the other vices I know. I was turned off by beer at age 5. Have you ever had beer with cereals? Yep. I have the best mom.
- I've never met a DOM until a few nights ago. Apparently, they are not extinct.
- I've never been in a massage parlor that offers a "special" service.
- I know how stuff works. When your poop floats, be happy. Come talk to me when you want to know why.
- I like shiny things. I have no idea why. So please don't ask me.
- I'm a software engineer. 'Nuf said.
- I like loafers.
- I've never been in prison. I've seen a lot of prison cells. Trust me. They don't look like they do in the movies. Stay away at all costs.
- Please make me stop.. Just shoot me.

I'm thinking of doing something radical. But I think my mom will dice me up and feed me to ants. Plus I'm too lazy to think of anything that's not-boring-but-also-would-not-kill-me.
Weh. Maybe I'll just buy a leather jacket and some sort of whip. I heard a biker facade helps. But I think the best I can do is to look like a CareBear that didn't care. Bah. Fuck it. I like being boring.

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