Wednesday, November 20, 2013

a conversation

Me : Can you really learn to love again? I'm not even sure where all the pieces of this broken thing is.

Ricci : I never thought I could. Someone has to love you more to heal your heart. That was how I was healed.

Me : Hmm.. I'm ok though. I'm not hurting or anything. I just feel.. hollow.

Ricci : I understand. Fill it with love for yourself.

Me : I am. And I did. It's just weird sometimes. I get restless. Like something is missing. I don't know what and I keep looking for it. It's like there's a hole somewhere and no matter how much or how fast I fill myself with self love, I won't ever be complete until I patch up that hole. It's like I lost a piece. I'm missing a piece. And my body is breaking down. Hahaha

Ricci : Aaawwww.. Yes. Sadly, I agree.

I'm a puzzle that seem to be missing pieces.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

open sea

Dear Open Sea,

I liked your angry waves. My mouth cannot contain the laughter that the kid within hides.

And when you mellowed out, I loved that lazy afternoon on the surf board watching the sun set.
The girls in bikinis helped too. Ehehe.


Thursday, November 7, 2013

Missed. You are missed.

I miss you. And the funny thing is, I haven't even met you yet.

I miss writing love letters. 

I wonder how you would feel like in my arms. I wonder how you smell like.

Sometimes, it feels like I was just resting and I've forgotten I was supposed to look for you.

You are missed, love.

You are.

The Sweet Far Thing

I like this. Same word popped out of my head. Restless.

"Do you ever feel that way?"


I search for the words. "Restless. As if you haven't really met yourself yet. As if you'd passed yourself once in the fog, and your heart leapt - 'Ah! There I Am! I've been missing that piece!' But it happens too fast, and then that part of you disappears into the fog again. And you spend the rest of your days looking for it."

He nods, and I think he's appeasing me. I feel stupid of having said it. It's sentimental and true, and I've revealed a part of myself I shouldn't have.

"Do you know what I think?" Kartik says at last.


"Sometimes, I think you can glimpse it in another.”

-- Libba Bray


I go out a lot recently.

And I'm tired. My eye bags have become eye suitcases.

But I can't stop.

Because if I stop, sometimes I feel lonely.
Or maybe I'm not lonely at all.

I am restless.

I think I might be restless.
I'm generally happy. It's just that.. I can't help but notice that something is missing.

I lost something.

What thing?

I dunno...

What is it?


I might have given it to her and now she's gone.

Or maybe it wasn't her after all.

I've forgotten what I've lost.

Is it "me"?

Am I looking for myself?

Pffft. No.

No. I've found myself long before I've found anyone else. I'm still me.
Still the same.
Same goofy smile.
Same random thoughts.

What the fuck am I looking for?


That part of my soul.

I can't help it. I'm made this way. I've always believed that we're all here for love.
Always for love.
There doesn't seem to be a point for anything else.


That part of my soul is missing.

I am not lonely. I am restless. Restless. I can't stop looking for you.

Where are you?

I'll send out a beacon for you. I'll travel the world if I have to.

I'll come and find you.


I love you.

I do.

You have my word.

You have all my words.