Tuesday, February 2, 2016

the gayness of it all

I do sincerely hope that your children (or any of the people you know and love, for that matter) won’t turn out to be gay. It is such a shame to know that their own parents never fought for their rights.

I do hope your god will bestow upon them the same love, respect and kindness you've shown to other people.

I hope no one will hurt them and tell them that they do not belong in this world. I hope they can find it in themselves to be happy. They deserve peace.

I hope no one will look upon you and think less of you.

I am sure that you are proud of how you spent your time here on earth.

Death may be years away. Or it may be the next second. For now, I will try to be kind especially when it has become the hardest thing to do. 

I will do this, not because a book says to do so or else feel the wrath of god. I do not fear eternal damnation. I will do this because people are just flecks and our time in this world is such a short one to waste on hate, greed, and prejudice. I will do this because I know how it feels like to be hurt by people who do not even know you. I will do this because I was taught to love.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Love invented words like art, poetry, laughter, pizza, home.
Yet it also brought about loneliness, mental institution, utter wreckage.

On some days, some words are more powerful than the others.
Today is pain.

The only redeeming factor? The word "Stubborn". Love has and will always remain.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

I am daring to say that I might have loved you since the first time I saw you.
And every day that I spend with you, from then on, just proved that I was absolutely right. In that first moment, I have loved only you.

Friday, October 3, 2014

dear awi,

i have a suspicion that we are happy inside our bubble. it's when other people come in that ruins it for us. 

but it's not true, is it? this bubble? 

i know you'll never agree to this. not even in my wildest dreams. 
not even if i pray real hard. 
not even if i beg and bleed.
despite that, i still want you to know i'll always want an "us". i'll keep on rooting for this team. i hope someday you'll be brave enough to admit you want that same "us".  but i want it to be our definition. not just mine.

did it ever occur to you that maybe i'm not a substitute for a love that was lost? maybe this was the love you were supposed to find. or not. haha. there are so many maybes. it's fucked up.
all i know is that whatever this is, it scares the shit out of you.

i know it's hard but i was hoping you would choose me over that pain. to just breathe beside me now. 

i guess.. it's choosing to be happy that proves to be the most difficult because in that head of yours, you don't really want to be happy. at least not yet.

it's ok. i want you to choose to break my heart instead. i'll live.


idiot 101

the hardest part of loving someone you're not supposed to love is knowing exactly when to stop.
we're idiots, you see? i'm the leader. and i'm still struggling, ok?

but do you want to know a secret? i may have finally figured it out.

just let her break your heart faster than she can heal it. then maybe it will remain broken. and it won't beat for her again.

i don't know if that's what i really want -- a broken heart that will never beat for me nor for anyone else. i'm still working out the kinks. but nobody should ever get used to feeling lonely. feeling all this pain.

i guess.. all i really want is for a heart to beat with mine. not another heart to beat for.

Monday, August 25, 2014

she looked at me. and with those wide eyes, openly wondered why we'd get this stabbing pain in our chests whenever we get our hearts broken.

i nod.
and smile.
and agree.

but what i don't tell her is that i don't just feel it there.
i feel it at the tips of my fingers.
and with every breath,
i hurt all over.

i feel it from deep within.
and sometimes,
if i don't hug myself hard enough,
i feel like i'm going to be obliterated into nothing.

Monday, August 18, 2014

i have to tell you something..
i have to tell you now or i will never be able to say it..
i love you.

and i don't care if you'll never say it back.
i am finally going to give myself permission to feel.
but most of all, i feel love.

i tried to stop it. ignored it.
but your gravity holds me.
i know i will pass your roche's limit and you will soon obliterate me.
i can't do anything about it.
but i don't care.
i want you to know that you are loved.