on trust and happiness..

I have decided to just trust her and move on with my life.

I have decided to be happy.

So..

Steps to be happy #1

Shoe shopping with my mom. Lovely lovely lovely shoesss!! Reebok Zig :D I wanna make out with it. The last time I bought shoes was 5 years ago. Sheesshh.. I was pegging the budget at 3k. Turns out, there are no more shoes that costs below 5k. The fuq. I bought this one on sale for 4k. It used to be 6k. I feel so blessed. Mhehehe

 

 Flew my mom in for some counsel. Mother knows best. And she's right of course. Plus she cleaned the apartment. ahahahaha.. She's OC like that.

 

Lunch with my mom at YABU katsu.

My mom never fails to make me feel better. Thanks Ma!

Yeah.. I'm a mother's girl. I don't have a dad. It's an immaculate conception.

on stress and acid reflux

I'm confused.

Not about my sexuality of course. When you're in 2nd grade and you keep on kissing your seatmate with pink bows, its more of a revelation that you were never straight to begin with.

I'm confused about my feelings and what I should do.


I've always thought that when you're in a relationship, you learn to depend on each other and you know who always goes first. There's no such thing as love that is "chill" or barely there. Love is supposed to be this thing that excites you and makes you giddy and makes you crazy. It's supposed to be extremely cheezyy.. It's when you're looking for her at the mall and when you finally see her, you can't help but give her this 10kilowatt smile that's brighter than the mall spotlights. It's feeling.. whole.

 

I feel those things, mind you, but what if the other doesn't? What if she has a different definition of it? What if she used to be all those things but then something changed and then she's not like that anymore?What if that's her new definition of love?

-_-      zzzZZZZ...

I'm scared that one day, I won't have those feelings for her. Being kilig. Hurrying home just to have dinner together. Waiting for her to wake up before texting her. Cancelling some plans just to support her. It's been more than three years now and I still feel the same way.. I still crave for the minutes together.. I still have that silly smile whenever I remember the weird things she does.

I'll try to be chill. I will try so hard because what I'm feeling for her right now is not chill at all.

This is my promise : 
- I solemnly swear to stop singing loveydovey songs for you the next time we go to Redbox and just sing those emo rock songs instead. You won't have to pry the mike from my hands. Because rock songs make me look cool.
- The next time we meet up, I'll give you a cursory nod and a small smirk. Because I'm maangas like that.
- I solemnly swear to prevent starvation by eating dinner at the office before the very long ride home. You will probably be still asleep and wake up at around 11pm anyway.
- I will not make those origami things and stick cheezy love letters in them. Because it's so highschool.
- I will not surprise you with out of town trips. Because you will probably have other plans anyway and you can't cancel on them.
- I will not be threatened by your guys friends even if you're sweeter to them than to me. Because that's just irrational fear, right? Friends will only be friends. Because every girl should have a guy friend they can hug.
- I will ignore tweets to your crushes like 'kinikilig ako pag nakikita kita'. Even if it feels like being stabbed by a million toothpicks, they don't mean anything because being in love means you should not be cheesy. That was sooo cheesy, therefore, you are not in love. And because they are just crushes and crushes won't develop into anything else.. ever, right?
- I will still be there for you.. (this one I can't give up. that's because you suck in taking care of yourself.)
- ....

This is stressing me out. I hope I don't have bald spots now.

I dunno.. Maybe when I grow older, I'll be more 'chill'.. Maybe I will learn to hide or tone down my feelings.. I'm 28 and I'm still just a hopeless romantic.

On books and beautiful curly haired boys..

First blog for 2012! Wooot! Procrastination at its worst. It took me half a year to compose this one. I had to remove my New Year's resolution list, HK, Cebu, SG trip blog, and that 30-things-to-do-before-I-die-part2 list. I'm so awesome.

I've been feeling a bit down lately. I don't know if it's the bipolar 'ala Britney' weather or the mounting flabs over my existing flabs due to the lack of exercise or The Sanga being more 'kilig' with crushes than with me. Ego. I really don't know.. But I'm blaming it on the book that I've been reading.

Game of Thrones.

It's awesome and stressful and heartbreaking. I actually threw my phone because I got so pissed they killed the direwolf. I like direwolves. They sound cool. They can rip your head off with one flick of their claw. Yada yada yada. Just plain Cool. I watched episode 1 of the series but decided not to finish watching. It kinda warped my memory of what I've read. I easily get distracted by missing/wrong details. It irritates me to the core. It gives me eye twitchies and acid reflux. It's my pet peeve.

I did stalk the cast on wikipedia though. Aaaaannndd.....

Jon Snow is pretty.

Just look at that fucking beautiful face. Da Fuuqq. Nice curly hair. Chu chu. I'm gay but I'm not blind.

I'm quite enjoying stalking the characters. Sansa looks snooty. I don't like her. Syrio is not bald. wtf? What's up with that? And I heard Renly and Loras were gay in the series. Hmmm..

I still have a couple more chapters to finish book 1. I'm quite excited for the other 4 books actually. I'm pretty sure it will take me a couple of months to finish everything.. Hold on for very depressing months to come!!

amnesia..

Got a mini amnesia from all the work I'm doing in Friendster. (Yes, it "still" exists. I'm not messing with you. I was actually surprised too. When they asked me to come for an interview, I thought I was gonna have to ride a train on some sort of 3/4 platform and pass by Hogwarts. I did look forward to the train ride. But, instead, I rode a taxi to Makati).

I was reminded last night that I actually had a blog! Yeah.. I have a million things to write about (specifically Sanga's new weirdness - Recently, she got locked out of our apartment. Got stuck in our balcony while posing for pictures wearing a blazer and a few hats. Teehee. More on that soon.)

So, I don't have much time now. I only have a few more minutes 'til my engineer partner comes in and we write another magical code to make the site actually show up.

And what did I choose to talk about in my few precious minutes?

Balot.

Yep.

You've all cupped the warm egg (no pun intended) in your hands.

Anyway, my current engineer partner is an American. I've teased him about eating balot a couple of times. We decided to get him some balot but he always magically disappears. He now flinches at words starting with "ba.." even if I just meant to say "ba"ndana...

So what's the fuss all about?

This may sound so un-Filipino of me but Balot gives me the hibbyjibbies. Yes, I've eaten the egg and sipped on the "soup". I've even tried chewing (for hours.. hourss!!!) on that white rubber thing on the bottom of the balot but I have never placed my tongue anywhere near the fetus.

(those aren't my nails. they're filthy. wahahaha.. kumuha nga lang ng picture e, di man lang nag "thank u" tas nanlait pa.)

Yaaakks. Ka der der.

I eat chicken intestines (isaw. yumyum) but not when it's still inside the actual container. And not with beaks and feathers.


Here's a list of street foods I "might" consider eating but have not yet eaten :
- chicken feet
- chicken neck
- chicken head
- chicken ass -- basically, all weird chicken parts. But I eat chicken nuggets that is reportedly a mixture of these parts. I don't care as long as I don't actually see them.
- betamax (coagulated blood) --- Sanga says this is awesome but I don't believe her. I took one teeny tiny bite but it jumped out of my mouth. It wasn't my fault.
- tiny tiny fried baby chicken (or is it duck?) --- It's like balut outside the shell.
- taba (pork fat that has been bbq-ed) --- It's one stick of pure heart attack. Sanga can eat 3 sticks of these.
- pig intestine --- Filthy. But possibly really yummy. Based on the number of people ordering it.

Still debating if I've already eaten some of those without my knowledge. Sometimes Sanga shoves things in my mouth I don't necessarily approve of. Can anyone tell me what a "buchi" is? I think she made me chew on one the other week. Every time she shoves things in my mouth, she grins. I can't remember ever seeing a grin so magnificently absurd.

Sooo... I do love street foods. It's amazing to look at. But I'm still waiting for God to give me the courage to make me shove the chicken head down my throat.

Go ahead, God. Take your time. I'm not in a hurry.. :D

ants in my pants

I just read a yahoo article about a green blob spouting new stars that are probably just a million years old now (yes. geeky. whatevs). But what really caught my attention was this :

"The blob is the size of our own Milky Way Galaxy and it is 650 million light years away. Each light year is about 6 trillion miles."

I tried inputting the numbers in the laptop calc but it died on me so I had to restart my laptop. WTF right? Kids, don't do this if you don't have a powerful processor.

Aliens. There must be something else out there. If we're alone, then it's a serious waste of space, dude. Come to think of it.. We could be ants in someone's pants. Actually, I think we're quarks on an elephant's ear wax.

With this in mind, I suddenly feel a lot better. I'm not stressing about the bills, loans, pimples and uneven skin tone anymore. I've been so self centered lately. Tsk tsk.

But I still think I'm going to win the lottery.. if I can just find the time to actually bet on it.

Oh btw, my gf (The Great Pax of the Fashion World) has a hater. LOL. Imagine that. She's the most sanga person I've ever met and she has a hater. Nyahahah.. That's just too funny.

Yeah yeah.. she already knows she's not the prettiest meat blob. Well, I like her just the way she is. And 65million years from now, when her face has more lines and intersections than the roadmaps of the world, I will still think she's 'da bomb'. Ya heard? (i am so not cool) I hope she knows I think she's the prettiest meat blob. Everybody has an opinion but not everybody's opinion should matter. Seeing that we're like this tiny tiny dots on the greater scale of things, the best we can do is to be happy about who we are and be grateful of what we have. Ang hirap mag english.

yyaaakkk...

I have to stop for a bit.

Sigh.

I've been reading zombie stories a few hours after my last post. Thus explains my lack of interest in my blog for a few weeks now. I've been deep in zombie guts that I've forgotten all about watching Bear Grylls eat raw snakes and falling into deep holes (lol on that one).

Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner. Even brave enough to add a dash of ketchup. While reading about guts and blood. Eyeballs popping yellow puss. Maggots. The smell of shit hitting the fan. A thousand rotting corpses. Ripping. "Chewing". I have a very active imagination and sense of smell. Despite that, I held my food in. No vomiting of sorts. Yeah. I have boobs of steel and claws in my vajayjay.

But then, I happened upon a story that turned my stomach. The one and only story that made me want to hurl. It's a story about oldies (60-70 year olds) fighting over a guy and having sex with him even though he is already a zombie. It results to one of them having a rotting vagina. He's a great writer. Described it perfectly. Once again, I have a very wild imagination. Cursed.

Read here : http://www.talesofworldwarz.com/stories/2007/09/19/lilies-for-donald-by-jeffrey-derego/#more-24

I can totally relate to Sheldon when Howard said that "Gammy" had sex and she liked it. Nobody talks about Gammy that way!! Yaaakk.

So we're here. I'm still trying to hold my lunch down.

My zombie scenarios have rubbed off on Sanga. It worries me because she is paranoid at times. But it's nice to cuddle and plan with the Sanga about the layout of our zombie proof fortress. It's kinda like planning about a wedding and kids. Only a bit more morbid than most.

:p

unfinished business

The Sanga has this habit of ordering mounds of food (3-5 different kinds), eating a few bites, and then stocking them until she has the urge to eat them again.

For example, she would order Jollibee Champ, fries and pancakes. Then I would wake up to a half eaten burger, a few missing holes on the pancakes, 5 pcs. of fries, and a half eaten chow mien (she got bored with her array of food and had to cook up another one).

I once saw a half eaten (half dissolved rather) lollipop.. (-_-)*

It never ceases to amaze me how she will never touch fish without soy sauce, kalamansi, and chili. Never forget to ask for additional ketchup or else she'll never touch the chicken.

Now, we have a whole shelf labeled as "Sanga's land of unfinished stuff". A few gulps of coke/rootbeer here and there. 2 pcs of Toblerone. Kitkat bites. Yakult. Yan2x. Loaker. Chocolate pudding. Milk. Nuts. Candy stuff. Chocolate covered polvoron.

I complained once about the shelf. So she tried to eat everything on that shelf at once.

(pardon the crappy photo)

And then she raved on for a few hours because of a sugar high. Oh my bleeding ears.

There's no point to this post actually. I just find her and her shelf amusing. Mehehee. I'm currently staring at the half eaten chicken wing on the table.

I'll probably post about her sleeping habits next. Oh you won't want to miss that!