on luck and gifts

The blogs I've been following have been talking about :
- how shitty Christmas can be
- gift giving being the vessel of bankruptcy
- how cutting pine trees for decoration is murder and would eventually lead to the annihilation of the human race
- how they need to buy more pepper spray in preparation for the rising crime rate
- thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator
- listing down medication for fast relief from high blood pressure due to over consumption of fat
- first aid and Heimlich maneuver for people choking on a ham bone
- Sunog!! Talk on how Christmas should be banned due to the fire hazard. Too many lights everywhere. Even the dogs are twinkling.
- and other Christmas horror stories

Christmas is the new Halloween.

Meh. I don't mind actually. My mom never really spent that much during Christmas. We only had a wreath for decoration. It pretty much works for all occasions. Wreath with candles for Christmas, Halloween and New Year (my mom's favorite combo since she doesn't have to replace the candles). Wreath with little pink hearts for Valentines day. Rainbow wreath for gay day (This one is mine. My mom never really figured this one out).

My mom would toss coins and everyone (yes including her) would scramble to get as many coins as possible. Everyone (even my 200-pound-bearded-motorcycle-riding uncle) would be shrieking and jumping and scratching and foaming at the mouth. I bumped heads with my 7 year old cousin the last time we did this and she passed out for 5 seconds. Yes, she's still alive and she's not brain damaged.. I think. It's too early to tell. We'd always find about 50 pesos worth of coins the next day wedged everywhere. My mom is our very own coin piñata. God. I love my mom.

There used to be firecrackers as well. But ever since my cousin lost all his eyebrows and 1/4 of his hair, we resorted to sparklers. We do other secret stuff as well. But I won't spoil the surprise if I ever invite someone over for Christmas. Tip : Always bring an extra shirt. And be prepared to lose some limbs. Don't worry. They'll grow right back.

So.. If you ever come by our house during Christmas, be sure to bring a helmet and earplugs.

Anyway, I was chatting with a friend earlier and I remembered something. I know I suck at gift giving. But I've been lucky so far since no one has put me out of my misery yet. She (the chat mate) has had the hugest crush on her parish priest. Christmas came and she had the misfortune of having me as a manita.. *very evil smile* On the bottom of her very long wish list, Arial font size 1, she printed that all she really wants for Christmas is something from that crush of hers.

So, with my mom in tow (it's always a lot more "official" if you have a super adult with you), I traveled to the far reaches of earth.. A place where only a few would dare venture. We went to this place where priests "hang out".. A monastery. That's what it's called right? I was actually shivering due to the holiness of the place. So, I asked for a particular priest. I told him about a friend who was "inspired" by his cermons and stuff. I didn't tell him who though. 'Coz as much as I hate withholding information, I also hate being buried alive.

Come gift giving day, I apologized for not bearing expensive gifts. I gave her an envelope with a bag of chocolates and ran for my life. Inside the envelope was a picture (super pa cute.. like kadiri pa cute.. ew), card, pendant, and a handwritten message addressed to "An Enlightened Soul". Heh. Her friend told me that she shrieked before she passed out or something. She told me she still has them with her. See? It's not all about the money. Sometimes, it's all about making someone faint. Um. I think it's also pretty easy to ignore a 700-peso cap on her wish list. WTF??! Well, she's in Japan right now. Happily wearing knee-high multicolored striped socks. I still don't know how she could stomach wearing them. And she's still looking for that "The One" guy. She finally gave up on that priest. I'd ask her about love stuff. She'd have no idea what I'm talking about (no boyfriend ever) but she'd still look into her little notebook of love theories and find advices under "What to do if you have Delusional Love".

Christmas is not that bad though. Maybe, it's not even because of Christmas. Maybe it's because I'm coming home to the people I love most. I'm coming home for Christmas. Wanna tag along?